I would rather not say that my spiritual life is complicated. In reality, it is a 'lil bit complicated, BUT, i'm progressing now.
I was born and bred in a christian home (both of my parents are Christians). My parents never forced us (my siblings and i) to partake in morning devotions, join church clubs, groups and the likes. The church practically made us work for God. I think a major reason is because we wake up at different times, so we perform our devotions individually (if we want to). My parents trained my and by siblings in the best way i could ever think of (apart from the morning devotion thing).
Growing up, i usually observed my mom praying in the morning before getting to the things she had to do. I also believe i inherited my dad's pattern of praying i.e - praying very quietly / saying his prayers mentally. I don't believe in shouting and disturbing the whole neighbourhood because you're praying to God.
I pray almost every time i want to perform an activity (Mostly unconsciously and sometimes conscious of it), going to the restroom, taking my bath, crossing the road, eating and the likes.
The only times we perform morning devotion as a family is whenever we have a guest who sleeps over (Like my paternal uncles who are Pastors, my grandparents, and others). Though we do attend Sunday Services in Church a lot.
As i knocked on puberty and practically grew into an adult, i believed i was close to God. I got baptised in water apparently in the year 2015. But i also observed i still wasn't able to communicate well with God. I never heard Him speak to me, hardly had spiritual dreams, and you know what.
I sinned unknowingly and still ask for His Mercy, and the same goes for sinning knowingly.
Though i never fornicated physically, i knew i fornicated mentally.
Fortunately, after i gained admission into the university, i started living with someone who prays well and is closer to God. My mom also handed a daily devotional book to me, and advised me to always put God first in anything concerning my life.
I remember vividly the night i prayed with my roommate, i felt a presence i have never felt before since my birth. Even our lodge-mates told me they felt the presence and also started praying in their various rooms. After the prayers that night, while i was asleep, i had a revelation which predicted that something negative was about to occur. I woke up immediately, with tears in my eyes, i had to pray against it.
Sometimes, i confuse my mind for God talking to me, and God for my mind talking to me.
Maybe i also confuse God for the devil talking to me, and the devil for God talking to me.
You might say i should be able to differentiate them, but believe me, sometimes the devil talks to its prey in a calm tone and manner.
Though i look forward to more positive things in my spiritual life, i would also appreciate help from anyone who wants to correct me or suggest something to me.
Love,
Naptural Teenager.
