Am I the only one with insecurities?
Am I the only one who believes in God but doubts at times?
Am I the only one who knows and believes that Heaven helps
only those who help themselves?
Am I the only one who believes that God neglects people?
Am I the only who believes in God’s existence and
non-existence?
Am I the only one who feels really guilt for never observing
a quiet time with God?
Am I the only one who believes God never answers prayers
when he answers 70% of the time?
Am I the only one who believes that I don’t have to save a
soul, observe a quiet time, act holier-than-thou, and be a Triple-S (Spiritual
Super Star) to make Heaven?
Am I the only one who believes I should work hard on my
studies independently and not always trust God to do something?
Am I the only one who believes God is ahead of me, behind
me, and by my sides, but still get scared whenever I take a step to somewhere
dark?
Am I the only one who thinks God despises me with passion
and still loves me whole-heartedly?
AM I THE ONLY ONE WITH INSECURITIES?!
I remember my journey to a prestigious university for my
admission screening. I squatted with my older brother for the few days I had to
spend there. One of his lodge-mates volunteered to take me around the school,
we went past beautiful, breathtaking surroundings (for me), and some bushes
around my brother’s lodge which was outside the school institution.
I, being sensitive of snakes and other dangerous animals,
asked her if there were snakes in the bushes; she replied saying ‘of course
there are snakes!’, not stopping there, I asked her why they didn’t cut off the
bushes and weeds. She said ‘Weeds will always grow back, and cutting them would
even make the snakes seek abode in the lodges around. I felt scared imagining myself-
sharing my room with a SNAKE??? She went on telling me that students roasted
and ate the ‘catch and kill’ snakes.
That same night, I got into my brother’s room and was
readily ready to take a refreshing bath from the day’s journey(s). But,
everywhere was dark; the lodges rarely had light unlike the school campuses.
Me being the insecure person that I am (and was), took
advantage of God on the situation. I started chanting the simplest prayers I
could remember, I went through the lodge to the bathroom, no torch to use. I
imagined seeing a snake in the bathroom, even though the WC had a room of its
own.
I reluctantly took an ‘express’ bath (fast), reciting ‘No
Weapon Fashioned Against Me Shall Prosper’, ‘I Am Covered With The Precious
Blood Of Jesus’, ‘I Am A Light In The Darkness’, and saying to no one in
particular ‘God Said In Psalms 105:15 that “Touch Not My Anointed And Do My
Prophet No Harm”.
I got into the room with my momentary marathon legs and said
a half-hearted “Thank You, Lord”.
The following day, I woke up and assisted my brother in some
petty chores. I wanted to take my bath after brushing, but I remembered the
previous day’s ordeal, and got scared (EVEN IN DAYLIGHT???). I took the bath
nonetheless, while being security-conscious with every quiet movement startling
me. That night, I never even envisioned taking a bath, not to talk of actually doing it.
For the two days and three nights I spent with my brother, I
only took two days and a night’s bath.
Recalling this and others makes me realize how sensitive I
was and how I manipulate God at my darkest moments. Most people never remember
God until they are in a difficult situation.
If you can identify with "AM I THE ONLY ONE?", Pls
comment below.
Note: The bible verse was courtesy of Google (I couldn’t
recall).
Got an AM I THE ONLY ONE QUESTION??? Drop in the comment section below!
